omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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