Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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