I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
