I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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