You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
