I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
