I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
