the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
