peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
