i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
