I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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