i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
