So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
