How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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