it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
