i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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