two words: eviction party
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize