just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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