There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
