I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
