I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize