hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
