My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
how does that bad decision feel?
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