she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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