I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
