my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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