he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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