Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
