as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
