we have officially lost it.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
