I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
