I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
as a side note pls kill me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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