problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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