My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize