This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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