if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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