Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
