there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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