your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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