You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
