He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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