i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My vagina is officially offended.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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