Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
