My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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