ya dads aren't the best wingmen
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
