hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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