i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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