i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
