Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize