Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
