I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
