Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize