If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
