whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
