i love accidental penises.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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