i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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