then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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