weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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