i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
